I Must Trust Him

Here I am thirty-four years old and still I am moved when I remember the past. I have no reason to make it up. My grandfather and I were very close. 

He was my "respite" during abusive years. When I was twelve, I woke to find grandpa standing the way he always did - big and round with his hands behind his back, watching me from in front of my closet doors. I tried to wake but couldn't fully.

I felt guilty for not being able to get up for company. I though the was visiting and I didn't know it was in the middle of the night. He said he had to go that grandma was calling him. I fell back asleep. The next morning my brother drove me to grandpa's but he was gone and a lot of people were there. He had died that night of heart failure. 

After that I had frequent experiences of light switches being turned off or on. Occasionally, it still happens and I figured out that it happens during times of distress. I flew back to Michigan to the cemetery in Clinton Township and visited him like I used to when I was a troubled girl. Three days later he came to me and said it was time to let him go.

 I feel sad and alone about this but I must trust him.

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